The Wooden Bowl    (Advance November 17, 2002)          When you hear the words ‘elder abuse’ you probably think about the types of abuse that are publicized in the media, such as phone, door-to-door and mail scams.  Elder abuse takes many forms, including physical, financial, neglect, and the more subtle forms of emotional mistreatment as the following story describes.

     A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eye sight was blurred, and his step faltered.  The family ate together at the table, but the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult.  Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.  When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.  The son and daughter-in-law become irritated with the mess.  “We must do something about  father,” said the son.  “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.”  So, the son and daughter-in-law set a small table in the corner.  There, the grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.   Since the grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.  When the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.  Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.  The four year old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.  He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”  Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making two little bowls for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.”  The four year old smiled and went back to work.  The words so struck the parents that they were speechless.  Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.  Though no word was spoken, both knew what needed to be done.  That evening the son took his father’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.  For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.  Neither son nor daughter-in-law seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. 

Children are remarkably perceptive.  Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb.  If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives.  Wise parents realize that every day the building blocks are being laid for their child’s future.  (Author unknown)

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